Definition of Life and Memories.

Yep, another new philosophy by the yet-to-be philosopher, heh. Just hours ago, I read an article about someone is very shy to blend in groups and participate in any group activities thus asking for remedies to overwhelm her predicament.

While I was reading the article, it’s as if I saw a replica of myself depicting in my mind, where the Nick was entangled in an endless impasse, nervous and desperate but no where to run. It was me, and now I’m glad that I’ve surpassed my past.

Have a look at a part of the article:
The days were long and I don’t know if I could withstand any of this mess running in my head right now. I’m 16 this year and I’m still having problem communicating with friends due to the shyness haunting over me from a past….Now I’m so shy to speak to anyone, worrying if they think I am worthless to chat with…I know this sounds very stupid but I don’t have the courage to speak to them. Sometimes I saw them laughing and gagging while looking at me, I don’t know and very afraid if there were talking about me. I never ignored my friends, instead I stick with them to gain their acceptance…..

Today I’m about to unveil Nick’s doctrine of “divert”sification heh.

First thing to divert is your thoughts. Old-fashioned mindset will not work on friendship. You have no grounds to think that people are treating you as a paranoid; you just have no reason to think so. As a victim once before, I knew that our brain are a pessimist, when things come before our eyes, we will start thinking all sorts of “worst case scenario” instead of being optimistic and thinking of what good will appear before ourselves. I can still remember after I braced up myself to seek for the answers myself, I was told that they thought I am ignoring them because I was too shy to speak up. And hence, none of my assumptions went right; don’t believe in your so-called instincts, intuition is not used in these situation.

Second, give yourself five seconds, ponder it again, what on earth made you think that you’re inferior than your friends? Love is detrimental per se, but friendship is not. We are all humans, I don’t see any difference in us, it’s not like they are immortal or genie that could grant you wishes. If they don’t value you, it means that they don’t deserve you after all. There is no point to beg for acceptance, instead, I’m sure you have friends who value you as a friend. As an example, I never declined any request (at least I don’t remember any) from my friends whenever they needed me, and if any of them decides to ditch me, I lose nothing, really. But take note that offering a hand to your friends could not be excessive or else you’ll eventually be their doormat.

Thirdly, be active; things don’t just fall from the sky. It took me three years to overcome this, be glad that you’ve finally met someone worse than you . This is definitely not easy, especially when your shyness was developed from young (or when your mind was infant). Even now, my fortitude is not twenty-four-seven (24/7) at my service, at times, I may have to overwhelm my timidness to make a conversation. Through my experience, if they don’t talk to you, besides of the probability of them being shy, there is also a chance of them having misconception of you, probably thinking that you’re some outcast. Therefore, be active (this might be the hardest part to achieve as far as I know, but this could be the crucial point of your success)

And now this is the best method to blend in a conversation – show curiosity. We used to bump in conversations which we have no idea what is it about and where it is going. Instead of showing a timid appearance or being silence, show curiosity. It can be used in any topics. There was once I bumped into a conversation about English Premier League where my friends are crapping about bunch of EPL players which I have no idea what is it about. I went and asked that I was interesting with football (or soccer) but I have less experience with it, remember not to show total blank in that topic even if it’s true (or they will lose their interest completely to teach a toddler to walk). And now, I can even approach them to chat about football.