Definition of Life and Memories.

“How is it there in heaven? Is it raining, and do you want us to cry?” I would like to say it to him, in fact, I never had the chance to say what I wanted to say after all. When he was around, I used to conceal my weep inside myself, trying to pretend a big boy out of me. I thought I was grown up and standing by myself, but I thought wrong. I want to tell him that I need him so much, so much in my life that no one but him, can pave such a well-made path for me.

Another tricky situation, and I get to indulge myself in my nostalgic memories. Now I can only seek his help through reminiscing the past; he is no longer my mastermind. He made me a loneranger albeit he didn’t intend to do so. I have just no one but him to sulk, cry, complaint, blame or anything. My dummy has gone, long time ago, far far away. I’m drenched in my dilapidated shell.

Just asking, if, if you remember, that embrace I gave you where I’ve forgotten how long has it been. Let me unveil to you now, that was my greatest memories of you and me that I’m having now, I’m writing it here because I don’t want to forget it, be it next minute or in the future. There’s no guarantee that I’ll keep this in mind forever, because our lives are just forsaken by the heinous ones, even the One.

I never treasure your existence, and never even hoped for your existence. You always had the upper hand, you always kill the conversation. I got you now, we communicated without words. We told each other through our mind, we never spoke about it. Even till the journey’s end, you still kept it to yourself, you silly bastard.

I’m crying so badly now, as to what am I crying for, I don’t know, and I wouldn’t know. You’re not here any more, so who am I weeping for? You shaped me and dismembered me, you’re the greatest person in my life, as well as the person I hated the most. You made me pay a due which I am bound to it forever, an indefinite amount which will last till my last breathe, what for? I ask, what for?

No one I could lean, no one I could confide, it’s like a passing song; they are here and then they are gone. How can I try to escape, while I’m caught in between with a fading dream? It will be an impasse which I will be forever enclosed within.