I am just who I am

by Nick on May.26, 2009, under Confession

Divine intervention, supernatural intentions and foreseeable future are all I hoped to have since young. When I was young, I was supreme, competent and immortal. Things do not appear what it seem any more, my superior powers are taken away and now, I am just an ordinary mortal, who is escaping from my own impasse. I used to think that everything that I wanted to be will be, and what I wanted not to be will be vanished and be gone “under your majesty’s pleasure”.

In past years I have been trying to please everyone (e.g. friends, siblings, parents) and make everything as in contemplation. I realized that it is not practicable to do that, never practicable.

In the last post, I said that I have to depart either the reckless disposition or the loyalty, I have to choose one because I have come to a mindset that nothing a human can do to please everyone. I have succumbed to utter failure when I tried to take up two characteristics, it is never possible to do that.

In giving advice to friends, I never gave up in advising those who I wanted to. Numerous attempts given out, most of them are futile, and I just realized I am just who I am, I can’t change the world.

2 Comments for this entry

MR. ANONYMOUS MAN
May 29th, 2009 on 10:21 am
Nick, you know me but i am not going to specify my name.(see if you can guess, i am sure you can anyway). But that is besides the point. The point is, everything you mentioned in this post and the few before are facts of growing up. Maybe you may not be as COOL as many other boys your age. Maybe you also are slightly less mature than most boys your age as well. However, that does not mean that you do not have the right to showcase your individualism. You are very rare, Nick. You are a very nice and good-hearted person. I have never met anyone with a personality as unique as yours. Yea you may be quiet and a little submissive but you must not let nice Nick become evil Nick. Just because people use curse words does not mean you have to do the same. The way you can start to face your problem is by loving yourself for who you are and not letting people take away your individualism. Like you said, you cannot change the world, but you can change yourself, back to the quiet and tranquil Nick that you were talking about. If you were to choose between dignity or loyalty, I would choose dignity. Your PRIDE is what makes you who you are. So if your “gang members” do not like you for who you are, SCREW THEM!Do not succumb to peer pressure my friend. That is one of the worst things that can ever happen. You be the peer alright. You are the pillar of your own life and future and you have to climb it. Do not climb another man’s pillar, because you will lose yours. Do not worry about people who say you are girlish or not being a man. Being courteous and tranquil like you used to is more manly than any rough and tough attitude. It takes more courage to be yourself than it does to be like someone else and that is the mark of a true man. Remember “IF” in form 4?

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream–and not make dreams your master,
If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings–nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And–which is more–you’ll be a Man, my son!

–Rudyard Kipling

There is nothing girlish about being yourself or showing individuality, Nick. The old Nick is what we want OK. The sensitive, sentimental, tranquil,more manly Nick. Whoever who gave you those “words of wisdom” is right. We want to see NICK KO JIE YANG, NOT Nick SOMETHINGELSE.

You are who you are and you cannot change that. But you are definitely not someone who is rowdy and curses and does negative things. You are different, Nick and you have to celebrate that and not go against it. I am different myself and I do know sometimes what it feels like. It just kills you to want to be like “them”,BUT REMEMBER, IT JUST KILLS THEM WHEN THE GOOD PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE THE ONES WHO DO BETTER. You are different Jie Yang, very different, but it is in GOOD WAY. You can change back Nick. You are a kind hearted person with a lot to give and a lot of people can learn from.
I am speaking to you as a friend, a friend who also used to go through the same tribulations. I am really grateful to have a friend like you and I will like to see the old Nick back because I do not want to imagine you becoming bad as well as going through these tribulations. I hope i managed to help, if i insulted you in any way, I am sorry alright. I hope i am still friends with Nick Ko Jie Yang and nOT Nick SOMEONEELSE.
AVINAASH
May 29th, 2009 on 11:55 pm
Hey Jie Yang. Sorry I could not go swimming. however, a deal is a deal. after my SAT exam on the 6th of June we will go alright. Anyway,this is referring to your post, remember you can never please everyone alright. If that were possible it would be pretty boring. anyway, who is this “MR. ANONYMOUS MAN?”