Definition of Life and Memories.

Recently I gave the word “life” a new definition, which is all about luck and fate. I discovered the new definition when a close friend of mine got betrayed by his friend whom he had known for 8 years. For long-term friendship, it is almost certain that there will only be subtle change with regards to the bond, be it weak or strong, and it baffles the mind of people when comes to the question of trust.

Secrets are the most secure and conspicuous form of thoughts. While a secret is something which is kept from other’s knowledge, it is usually disseminated from words by means of speech. I used to say that “it’s difficult to keep secrets from others, but it’s more difficult to keep secrets to yourself”. Without any doubt, no matter how secure a person is, it cannot be said that he or she can keep anything at the dark. As I’ve experienced it myself, “the good, the bad and the ugly” have equal qualities as to being secure to their friends.

Actually those who failed to conceal secrets should not be put to blame (as least not all!). The person who bears the most fault is yourself, for being the root cause of the crime, as such, you’re the victim of your crime. You know how hard it takes to keep secrets when you’re feeling desolated and being pummelled by curiosity, and what it takes to unveil the undisclosed secrets in you is just a sudden relent.

Therefore, who should be blame for the transgression? The deity or the preacher?

I’ll go straight to the point, we live in the vicinity of other’s sight and it’s inevitable that we will receive subjective judgements like we always practice on others. Everyone has its own issues, therefore there is no one on earth will be easy to comprehend.

We’ve concluded that everyone is unique and thus we will be having different personalities, looks, backgrounds and so on, and now, every step that we’re walking, will the result of it be the outcome of a second person? As such, I wonder why people tend to take so much daily statements and criticisms into account of thoughts, it just don’t make any sense at all.

Views are comprised of internal and external views, or it can be called as subjective and objective views respectively. The subjective views are what stagger people off their track.

We tend to accept views (in here, subjective views) too seriously, although bit by bit of it constitutes a distinct perception on ourselves, somehow we value other views more than our own. For example (in a majority of people), when they intend to “ask for opinion”, they are indirectly insinuating and merging other views into them, hoping that it will attain a conventional outcome. This is blatant foolishness.

I saw so many people changed so drastically just to adapt into people’s interest, and no matter how hard they tried, at one point or moment, someone will still express discontent towards the change. My aunt is a clerk and she is currently working with about 20 colleagues. Everyday she hears gossips and criticisms from the people in the company and she had been very aware of those – to make sure she’s not the another person who bites the dust, probably by some silly “coalition” playing some boycott game. For 13 years she had been a busy person, not for the sake of work, but for the sake of getting away of negative perception towards her. For instance when she heard that “someone” does make-up too heavily, she will instantly goes to the wash room and redo her make-up (sounds silly but it’s the fact). Currently, she is one of the victim of the “game” despite her incessant effort throughout those years. Wasted huh?

I’m not abetting the attitude of having a closed mind, it’s just that we’re too susceptible by other person’s point of view which divert our actual thought. At least try getting more views before deciding for a change as there is a Chinese saying “think three times before you act”.

The dilemma that has been revolving around me for ages, has cracked itself open- I’ve wasted heaps of energy to fix that, not knowing that the answer has always been there.

It’s regarding the “too much acting” problem, where I thought that the major problem of the widening distance between my friend and I was because I was “acting” too much, displaying too much faces which caused me to even fail to recognize who I really am. Therefore I was really obsessed with the “finding myself” thing, where it was completely unnecessary.

But well, the answer is that I don’t even need to find myself, that is who I am already. If I’m a sly, so be it; if I’m a thief, then let justice takes care of me. As long as I am happy with myself, why create a discord to myself as there is no need to make a change. No matter how brilliant, innocent, wise, prudent, docile you are, it is inevitable to have enemies, namely those who jealous, and similarly, you will have your BFF, your buddies to remember you to death, no worries!

Bunch of people are dying lately, and now it affects the close ones of my friends. With no doubt, they are devastated and broken. I guess it’s human nature to keep whining and complaining about calamities they had faced, thus for now I’m going to show you guys something which had left in his diary by someone who died three months ago.

Seconds and minutes and hours, days and weeks and months, why is time passes so fast when it’s happy, and stagnates when it’s in torment? Because of this silly reason, I stopped smiling and make use of every second of my life to not to be happy, wishing the time can stagnate in this moment forever.

One year ago, we were having so much fun in school, we had done so much, and now so little to be written, life is just like a fairy tale, although it never exist. Now I had a little problem with me, it took the life out of me, and I couldn’t make a second smile any more.

What hurt me was not the pain, which was the painstakingly cruel fact in life. When our time has come, do we have no choice but to give up everything that we have? I’m starting to believe that life is just a dream, we can’t occupy something forever, similarly we can’t love someone forever.

I’m having this little problem here, which deprives me of sighting and hearing. It is not death, it is something a little worse than death I suppose. What live in me is just me and my mom beside me, who gave life to this diary.

As I said I am reluctant to be happy even for a while, now the despicable time has brought me to another end of my life, and I’m just waiting for this dilapidated and deteriorated house to just fall upon me, and let this just end for once and for all

The diary was written by a woman called Jessi, she had some disease which impair her ability to listen and see, and thus she had lost her friends because she couldn’t see and know who approached her, moreover she couldn’t even listen to any words her friends had spoken. Fortunately, there was someone who actually approached her and lived with her to give her accompany. Hence she lived with someone without having known of his or her’s companion look, nor they did not live with words, they communicated by touch that’s all.

The last paragraph was written by her about 50-60 years later, where she wrote (with help of someone) that happy moments just dash too quickly till that even for a handicapped person like her, time still passes with the same pace.

So, guys, what do you think? feeling lucky?

I was browsing my contact list in my phone recently, the list was repeatedly gone through again and again, and something came into my mind – who can I really talk to? Someone who willing to listen? Someone trustworthy? Someone who would give advice? Or someone who will understands you and keep track of your problems? Then here comes the “deep thought” again – what is actually a friend?

When comes to knowing new friends, I don’t pick, I just take what it comes. Now that I have hundreds of friends, but when come to desperate times, none is useful. I try not to sound like I’m a “controller” or “advantage taker” here, but when you are really in a deep mess, friends will become “idle”, and you can hear all sorts of not-very-convincing replies.

Someone told me before, one useful friend is better than 100 useless friends. It’s true however nonetheless, won’t you have a surge of guilt to keep bugging one person? Imagine someone keep giving you their load, you’re as if living a life of two persons, and at a point you will feel this is completely meaningless then when the boiling point is reached, he or she will then loses a useful friend.

Sometimes it’s not sure if we should put the blame on those who refuse to help a friend out. We are not obliged to help anyone, and it’s not a betrayal of trust nor friendship to not to help someone, albeit they may be in their greatest ordeal. And hence who is to put to blame? The one who refuses to help or the one who got the wrong friend?

The statement of “give and take” has suddenly become irrelevant. Humans are not God, they only take but they rarely give. However, to what extend do they have to “give”? Can a “good luck” considered as a “give”?

While some derive satisfaction from speaking and acting flamboyantly in front of friends, they are not at fault too, but people tend to put them into the “bitchy” category. I’ve had enough of “I’ve had enough” words from people but what is there to do? It’s a norm for us, and we are cunning and ignorant, don’t we?

Everyone is distinctly different, particularly with different personalities and attitudes, this is not something with an issue, but today I tried to perceive something in a faithful manner with regards to the word “fate”.

As we are trying to achieve something in life, there is a general presumption that ‘we will make it’. I was made to think scientifically, but this time I made an exception and thought something which is abstract – fate.

After numerous of “it’s fated” and “this is life” revolving around failures, I started to think that if there are some things are fated, that one may be fated to fail, or one may be fated to be successful. The evidence is vividly binding to my mind as there are many successful person, namely Lim Goh Tong, who had actually survived several attempts of death and he had successfully built his casino. And Hitler of course, where there were about 13 assassinations attempted on him and yet he survived again and again.

As a consequence of this thought, I started to take things a little lightly, as in the way that if things are meant to be solved and achieved, they will, and no point abetting and waste a freaking slew of energy on them. The person I loved the most (had passed away), I wouldn’t know if he had a myriad of wishes to be fulfilled, but the god-damned so called “fate” had put an end to his life all out of the blue. I don’t care even if it’s God’s will or some random assumptions, it’s still fate that chose to put an end to his life among billions of people, among billions of causes, among billions of families.

“You are the one who will determine your failure and success”, too bad I can’t concur to this statement. Everyone with great dreams like ourselves does pay some effort to their work, but success based on their will and determination? I don’t think so. Provided the statement is true, can you really be a successful person if you were born in a hardcore poor family and trying to earn millions in your future if fate(e.g. lottery) wasn’t present?

Hence, in pursuing for a friendship and relationship, I won’t be putting blame on anyone or even myself, I’ll just subject myself to fate. I’m not going to make a fool out of myself any more to procure some foolish limelight just to get her attention or whatsoever.

Recently my aunt went for several interviews to pick up a job, and I guess she did not realize the mistake that she had made, a fundamental one. Hahaha

The jobs she is interested are those which requires slight computer knowledge, I have been teaching her for weeks now, and she can now be considered as a computer literate, thanks to me .

But when she told me how she answered the questions during the interview, I gave a big slap on my forehead when she told me her answer for “How well are you with computer?”.

She told me she replied “I don’t know much, I have no knowledge of [some programmes she doesn't know like photoshop], therefore I may not able to comprehend some task”. I am reluctant to say but I wonder which dumb ass on earth would employ her if such answer is given. Although I don’t expect any brilliant answer since she doesn’t attend for any communication skills lesson, but such answer is so obviously to tell someone “hire me at your own risk”. Darn.

However she is good in playing online games, which put me in awe and surprise that how could someone has been playing online games for two years to not know the least basic knowledge of computer?

He can be adamant but feeble,
he can be tough but fragile,
he can move anything tangible but not something intangible,
he can toil over any ordeal but not himself,
he can be unnoticeable but conspicuous,
he can be a tool for resurrection but may send one to the gallows,
he can make one the luckiest person on earth but also make one the victim of his crime.

What is he?

Everyone on earth has their own definition on every aspects, including ‘love’. Besides from disclosing every truth that I have been finding for, I realized that the distinct perception in humans has rendered us to devise our own escape instead on harping on other’s idea. In simple words, I used to think that the best advice is from those who went through it before, but I was wrong. Very wrong.

A key is used to unlock a lock, but it may not be able to unlock every lock. A valid example is the way to achieve social proximity. While someone may be good in drawing attention, it does not necessarily means that you or me can do the same too by imitate them.

I just discovered this ‘view’ days ago, while I’ve been thinking why people just can’t be the same, provided the statement ‘nothing is impossible’ to be true. I also remembered when I was so keen to have a girlfriend and I have been asking ways to woo them, it was ended up with thousands of methods in my mind with all of them to no avail. I guess it’s up to us to plan our own escape, while other opinions and advices are merely persuasive to help you. Same goes for studies (another good example), some are good in good memory, whereas some are good in good brain power, hence they just can’t adopt one method which is proven to be the most effective method.

We are a library per se, we own our world of definitions, we view things differently and we deal with it distinctively than others. When we failed an approach, we will seek for another until and the approach which works will be stored permanently in our brain, this how we grow.

Last night, there was this person (can’t disclose the real name) messaged me in Windows Live Messenger (or msn) and told me about something he is facing. His problem was kind of common, but a little intricate. He told me that her father is having an affair and the family is falling apart with his siblings and everyone in his family is getting mad over squabbles of their own problems. He’s getting frail day by day and contemplating suicide. It’s perceivable that he may resort to such thought when he’s caught in so many dilemmas. He has procured a better family since years ago when all the discord and complications arose, but to no avail. He’s almost out of his sane mind.

When I saw all his messages, it was like a great blow to my heart to think that such thing does happen. What I can advice on is based on solid facts, thus I told him that a family is like several person carrying a log, huge log. When one person of the group is completely jaded, he still bears the responsibility of delivering the log to the destination. If he fails to toil upon the adverse situation, then the burden will be increased to the other members, ended up others have to suffer based on one’s lack of determination. We, as a human don’t live for pleasure lying ahead of us. For every pleasure we intend to attain, the more burden we have to carry. Nothing can be gained without effort.

There is a Chinese saying, one will die, you can either make your death precious and valuable, or you can die as a nobody. I know it’s not really applicable in that guy’s situation because he will not be gaining any fame or respect by just solving another plight in this world. Sometimes I wonder, since we’re going to live only once, so who cares if I intend to leave the onus to other people, as fame and prominence will not resurrect me from the grave and let me reign the world as I craved. Ironically, the opinion I made by myself has an answer to it. Since we only have one life to live, so why waste it by tarnishing the name of our forefathers? It may be frivolous to mention, but you know the torment of carrying the burden, so why let more people suffer?

As apart from some people, they provide reasonable solutions, where even the person in dilemma can thought of it. Therefore I don’t really give advice on how one should do, instead, I tell them to do what they thought is right. We are one person on earth, living one life, making one decision for every problem, one outcome to receive, hence, it’s pointless for someone to tell you what to do as you will waste that one “token” to your problem. If the problem remain unresolved, you’ll then feeling anguish for heeding the advice, problems will only get worse. So, one should use his opportunity wisely, thus when an effort to no avail, at least one has attempted, toiled, tried and shall bear no regrets to his decision.