Definition of Life and Memories.

Recently I gave the word “life” a new definition, which is all about luck and fate. I discovered the new definition when a close friend of mine got betrayed by his friend whom he had known for 8 years. For long-term friendship, it is almost certain that there will only be subtle change with regards to the bond, be it weak or strong, and it baffles the mind of people when comes to the question of trust.

Secrets are the most secure and conspicuous form of thoughts. While a secret is something which is kept from other’s knowledge, it is usually disseminated from words by means of speech. I used to say that “it’s difficult to keep secrets from others, but it’s more difficult to keep secrets to yourself”. Without any doubt, no matter how secure a person is, it cannot be said that he or she can keep anything at the dark. As I’ve experienced it myself, “the good, the bad and the ugly” have equal qualities as to being secure to their friends.

Actually those who failed to conceal secrets should not be put to blame (as least not all!). The person who bears the most fault is yourself, for being the root cause of the crime, as such, you’re the victim of your crime. You know how hard it takes to keep secrets when you’re feeling desolated and being pummelled by curiosity, and what it takes to unveil the undisclosed secrets in you is just a sudden relent.

Therefore, who should be blame for the transgression? The deity or the preacher?

I’ll go straight to the point, we live in the vicinity of other’s sight and it’s inevitable that we will receive subjective judgements like we always practice on others. Everyone has its own issues, therefore there is no one on earth will be easy to comprehend.

We’ve concluded that everyone is unique and thus we will be having different personalities, looks, backgrounds and so on, and now, every step that we’re walking, will the result of it be the outcome of a second person? As such, I wonder why people tend to take so much daily statements and criticisms into account of thoughts, it just don’t make any sense at all.

Views are comprised of internal and external views, or it can be called as subjective and objective views respectively. The subjective views are what stagger people off their track.

We tend to accept views (in here, subjective views) too seriously, although bit by bit of it constitutes a distinct perception on ourselves, somehow we value other views more than our own. For example (in a majority of people), when they intend to “ask for opinion”, they are indirectly insinuating and merging other views into them, hoping that it will attain a conventional outcome. This is blatant foolishness.

I saw so many people changed so drastically just to adapt into people’s interest, and no matter how hard they tried, at one point or moment, someone will still express discontent towards the change. My aunt is a clerk and she is currently working with about 20 colleagues. Everyday she hears gossips and criticisms from the people in the company and she had been very aware of those – to make sure she’s not the another person who bites the dust, probably by some silly “coalition” playing some boycott game. For 13 years she had been a busy person, not for the sake of work, but for the sake of getting away of negative perception towards her. For instance when she heard that “someone” does make-up too heavily, she will instantly goes to the wash room and redo her make-up (sounds silly but it’s the fact). Currently, she is one of the victim of the “game” despite her incessant effort throughout those years. Wasted huh?

I’m not abetting the attitude of having a closed mind, it’s just that we’re too susceptible by other person’s point of view which divert our actual thought. At least try getting more views before deciding for a change as there is a Chinese saying “think three times before you act”.

At times when you’re in a sheer discord, when everything is to no avail, when people can’t hear what you speak, it is actually better to let faith or fate to mend your ordeal. As a freethinker, I believe in fate, and everything lies within the hand of fate; if you’re destined to fail, I don’t believe you can make it be it a myriad times you attempt or perhaps given several chances to attempt it again. Take the recent 7-degree earthquake in Haiti as an example, a slew of people with immense figures of dreams and hopes are all vanished within minutes, yet there is nothing they can do while the calamity was taking control, isn’t it?

“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt” has been used by many “experienced” people. When your words are not sound enough to stagger your rival, it’s better to remain silent and think of an alternative, before resorting to the foolish flaunting of baseless statement.

Referring to Chapter 1 (Defence is the best offence), have you ever been in a position where what you’re trying to say are used back on you and it ended up that you’re the one making a fool out of your blunt words? Because that often happens.

Human brain is the most defective and destructive weapon on earth, and when one tries to say something, more and more thoughts will be generated based on the initial statement, that is why the world is always inundated with numerous misconceptions and this can never be fixed due to the complacent of a human brain, if I tell you I’m the wealthiest guy on earth, you will probably start wondering “how could this be possible?” or “what an idiot”. As the brain is living in his owner, it’s lopsided towards its owner, thus its vigilance will translate every words it hear for the benefit of its owner.

Chapter 3 – Leadership and respect test : Firm
Barely an hour before this post, I was actually on the way to the bus stop with my brother and his friends (they were my brother’s friends, and became mine after numerous times of hangouts) to go to Genting. We were having breakfast before going to the bus stop, and there was an argument between my brother and I, during the quarrel he told me that “if you’re not contented, then you don’t have to go (with the trip)” and I replied “ok” as an acknowledgement that I’m counting myself out for the trip.

Upon reaching the stop I was supposed to find a place to park my car to wait and board the bus with them. But instead I told them that I wasn’t going and they were stunned incredulously, they never thought that I would take my words seriously. And it ended up I didn’t go despite a phone call from one of them, although deep in my heart it really hurt much as hanging out with the friends is not something that can be done often and spontaneously.

Firm, is the language of leadership, it gets you respect and followers. In the past people always disrespect me because I wasn’t firm with my words. What I meant and intended were the opposite of the words I articulated, and finally my friends did not take my words seriously and it has given me a slew of troubles, really.

Which fool in the world would give up an astonishing trip with his buddies? I wouldn’t, but if it wasn’t for building respect (being firm), I am dying to go for the trip.

There are reasons behind being firm, it’s not solely to display your personality ostentatiously so that people would notice and take note of what you say in the future. Firstly, in a yes-no option, since you have to take a stand eventually, why not weigh up all the gains and losses for each option and then stay with it? Secondly, yes it’s to make people afraid of you and not to take you lightly (when you mean something you say). Thirdly, being firm is not a personality, it’s a principle – You are firm because you have faith and believe that what you’re about to do and decide is correct, not merely for the sake of the above two reasons. Fourthly, respect. Which leader in the world always speaks in jest and has no account for what he has said?

Some would think that it is stupid to give up something that I’m dying for to prove that I am firm. But if it will benefit me in the future, I would no matter what. Maybe some of you have already “proven” your rigidity, but I’m on it now, so should I writing my apology script now in case if it pisses off my friends? haha

Chapter 2 – Impossible to lose if you knew what comes next

To win, the prudent old way is to predict what comes ahead. It is absurd if you fall into a hole where you have been told and saw by your own eyes.

In a debate or argument, you have to predict and apprehend what sort of challenges will approach next. Similarly you can’t expect to enter into the exam hall unprepared, its equivalent to enter a battlefield without weapon. This is an effective skill which has been used since medieval period to achieve victory without losing much.

I had actually tested this out.

When I first moved to city, I was always irritated by sarcastic jokes, probably it is how city people speak to each other and the more I tried to counter those jokes, the more I was embarrassed by it. So I decided to blend with them more, hoping to adapt to their jokes. As time passes by, it is as if I can read their mind and know what they are going to make fun of, and that’s the time I trounce their stupidity. It happened when I was telling them I found a shortcut to a place which saved me some travel time. One of them asked “how short is the shortcut” and I immediately sensed that he did not mean to ask it sincerely, so I foiled his attempt and instead he got fooled for my unexpected answer.

To predict what comes next requires a high vigilance, and experience will be a boon to it.

To be able to predict opponent’s next move, you have to be vigilant of his act and speech with a bit help of experience. I have two real life situations to compare and contrast the prominence of their intention. First one is a friend who always speaks and does for his own benefit, it is obvious that when he approaches someone, he is trying to loot some benefit for himself, and I did predicted correctly when there was once he contacted me by phone and asked me to give him a ride to somewhere. If I accepted his request at that time, I guess I will be the fool who round and round the city where the actual destination is only somewhere reachable within minutes. The second one was a difficult one, where he is just another random friend without any obvious traits. We were not close, but I was asked to lend him some money. Rationally, we wouldn’t consider much to lend about 10 to 50 dollars to our friends. But I declined his request by experience that he approached me for the first time and it’s about getting benefit. I was correct, and now that “10 to 50 dollars” debt with someone else has lasted about 2 years already.

The dilemma that has been revolving around me for ages, has cracked itself open- I’ve wasted heaps of energy to fix that, not knowing that the answer has always been there.

It’s regarding the “too much acting” problem, where I thought that the major problem of the widening distance between my friend and I was because I was “acting” too much, displaying too much faces which caused me to even fail to recognize who I really am. Therefore I was really obsessed with the “finding myself” thing, where it was completely unnecessary.

But well, the answer is that I don’t even need to find myself, that is who I am already. If I’m a sly, so be it; if I’m a thief, then let justice takes care of me. As long as I am happy with myself, why create a discord to myself as there is no need to make a change. No matter how brilliant, innocent, wise, prudent, docile you are, it is inevitable to have enemies, namely those who jealous, and similarly, you will have your BFF, your buddies to remember you to death, no worries!

As I’m always involved in debates, I’ve spent a huge portion of my holiday to ascertain the methods I’ve collected to succeed in “mind games” (e.g. debate, battle, argument) and it has been fruitful. I’ll divulge some of the methods I found useful. Since there are a heap to tell, I’ll categorize them by chapters.

Chapter one – Defence is the best offence

Usually in a spontaneous debate on general occasions, we used to just spill out every points in order to win. Many have the mindset that the more points you have, the more chances you are having the upper hand, but it may not be true (as far as I’ve known).

For instance, one has given 10 points why earth is a good place to stay, provided that he gave 9 valid points, and one precarious point, vulnerable to be trounced, he’s gone. When the other party question the validity of the dubious point, the spotlight will then be shed on that point, if the person who brought out the point fails to defend his stand, then his previous 9 formidable points will be vanished. Even in a debate where victory is on the person who procure the most points, one’s chances of victory may be in stake if his spear is turned towards himself.

By using other’s points to build your stand, you could be invulnerable. Usually what we hear in a lecture or a “wise man say”, we will ponder it thoroughly after hearing it, like regurgitating what have been told and finally attest it’s validity based on one’s discretion. If your points are made up by your own brainstorm, without proper “filtering”, you are probably to utter things that are questionable which are disadvantageous to you. Hence if you use other’s offence as yours too, the points in doubt will be referred to the other, not you.

To further beleaguer the opponent, play complete defence. Do not expose yourself to the slightest risk by promoting your points, keep create doubt on your opponent’s points. Creating doubt is ultimately easy by being a “third party” or the listener. As a listener, they are keen to know more about what you said, even it’s something plain and obvious. For example if the topic is about whether a random country is polluted (e.g. air, noise). If you say the particular country is polluted due to excessive amount of cars, listeners actually appreciate if you could provide more about it, like what is the total carbon emission. When you started to create doubts or uncertainty in opponent’s view, listeners will usually create more doubts to themselves.

This can be used on any occasion and not necessarily confined to debates. Another good example is a fight. When you are the one who receive the first punch, you can always bring out “self defence” as your defence.

If life is depicted as a journey on a road, it’s true at some point we have to make a decision, namely yes, or no. If you have not travelled the path you chosen far enough, you are still able to resile and return to the split path and take the other route, but the consequence is that you will be left behind by your peers.

When it came time to make decision, I used to ponder too much until I can’t stand firm with my decision. Before making a decision, I will weigh up the pro and cons so that I won’t make a wrong choice, it’s according to the Chinese idiom where it tells one to think three times before proceed. Perhaps I made more than “three times”, thus it disrupted my initial thought and point of view.

Hence in my conversations, (it’s my habit that) I don’t really provide an unequivocal answer. For instance when someone asked me if there is class on the next day, I will answer “should be” or “probably” or “I think so” even if I’m very certain with the answer. Subsequently this attitude pissed some people off, but I do afraid if my answer or reply might be wrong and will mislead their plans to go awry.

Now I’ve come to another split path where I have to choose whether to ditch a friend or not, this friend has a great influence in me and I can feel I’m slowly adapting and adopting to his method of living, as in personality and attitude. I nearly started to smoke because of him. Friends have been asking me to keep away from him as they told me that I am slowly drifting apart from who I am. I actually decided to ditch him long ago, but the problem keep revolves about the same question – whether to ditch him or not. This friend did enlighten me in some of my personal issues and unshackle some of my thoughts, and I’m still considering now whether…

As some of you may know, I like to hear and share my friends’ burden since young. The best form of help that I could provide is only advice. Burden and problems are something tangible for me, when I get to know about about people’s problem, their burden will accrue to myself and I am feeling meaningless to do all this.

I experienced it before, when you are desperately in need of a hand or a ear, everyone will be out of reach, or you will suddenly have a thought that the world is opposing you. I may still be considered young, but I’m old enough to sort out my problems myself, somehow it’s still congenial if someone out there is willing to bear the burden for you. Hence I rarely decline request from friends.

Nonetheless, I’m getting tired from doing all this. I am just an ordinary human and I have my limit, no one is out there giving a damn to my problems, should I retire from all this mess I done to myself?

I can be one’s Valentino, I can be one’s God, I can be one’s parents, but deep in myself I’m an evil person, I can’t disclose any further than that. I commit and conspire things subtly, I live in the dark.

Recently I’ve been starting to experience what is “life”, and yes it was astonishing. Let me trace back what I’ve done these weeks, hmm, I guess hanging out in cyber cafe and pool are something cliche to be mentioned of, perhaps hanging out on a bridge would tickle your brain?

Yeah, I have been doing something silly with friends these days, something where people don’t normally do, trying to make use of every second in our life to the maximum. Last week my friends and I were actually hanging out on the bridge in front of Putrajaya office, the Prime Minister office. No one is allowed to stop and park on the bridge, I guess the legislation doesn’t apply on…5am on the morning? Haha it was fun to chit chat and talk craps with friends there, a feeling which only can be told through actual experience. For your information, we actually left our packets of drinks there when we left, yes, very unethical of a Malaysian citizen.

There were so many crazy things I’ve done but I can’t remember any except the bridge one. Time passes so fast when we’re enjoying it, but stagnates when we’re suffering. Nevertheless, every second passes is every second we lose in our life, better enjoy it now before our time has come eh? Haha