Definition of Life and Memories.

Thanks Ernest (first comment in the last post) for your opinion regarding that you do not believe in “fate”. But I’m giving in to the existence of fate. If it was not fate, you wouldn’t come to my blog, if it was not fate, you wouldn’t seen my last post, if it was not fate, we wouldn’t known to each other.

Today was a breakthrough for me though, have broaden my eyes to many views and also eased off a load of burden off my shoulders. Hahaha I’m making myself like some psycho with tons of problems, actually I take every things in life into consideration, and thus my mind is usually of twice the workload of someone else.

Since ages ago, my mind has been so sophisticated that I planned so well for every actions, every game plan was so perfectly made and any likely outcomes are predicted and I’ve already found a solution before it came to existence. But as I grew older, things are so spontaneous that I couldn’t see them coming and comprehend them one by one. Very unfortunately, my brain continued to do his “task” until a day where I found that this is totally meaningless, and instead, why not let things be how it should be?

For the moment, I’ll just proceed with everything and let fate decides, if my decision is meant to be wrong, there is actually no point squeezing your brain for an answer and ended up with disappointment.

Everyone is distinctly different, particularly with different personalities and attitudes, this is not something with an issue, but today I tried to perceive something in a faithful manner with regards to the word “fate”.

As we are trying to achieve something in life, there is a general presumption that ‘we will make it’. I was made to think scientifically, but this time I made an exception and thought something which is abstract – fate.

After numerous of “it’s fated” and “this is life” revolving around failures, I started to think that if there are some things are fated, that one may be fated to fail, or one may be fated to be successful. The evidence is vividly binding to my mind as there are many successful person, namely Lim Goh Tong, who had actually survived several attempts of death and he had successfully built his casino. And Hitler of course, where there were about 13 assassinations attempted on him and yet he survived again and again.

As a consequence of this thought, I started to take things a little lightly, as in the way that if things are meant to be solved and achieved, they will, and no point abetting and waste a freaking slew of energy on them. The person I loved the most (had passed away), I wouldn’t know if he had a myriad of wishes to be fulfilled, but the god-damned so called “fate” had put an end to his life all out of the blue. I don’t care even if it’s God’s will or some random assumptions, it’s still fate that chose to put an end to his life among billions of people, among billions of causes, among billions of families.

“You are the one who will determine your failure and success”, too bad I can’t concur to this statement. Everyone with great dreams like ourselves does pay some effort to their work, but success based on their will and determination? I don’t think so. Provided the statement is true, can you really be a successful person if you were born in a hardcore poor family and trying to earn millions in your future if fate(e.g. lottery) wasn’t present?

Hence, in pursuing for a friendship and relationship, I won’t be putting blame on anyone or even myself, I’ll just subject myself to fate. I’m not going to make a fool out of myself any more to procure some foolish limelight just to get her attention or whatsoever.

Recently my aunt went for several interviews to pick up a job, and I guess she did not realize the mistake that she had made, a fundamental one. Hahaha

The jobs she is interested are those which requires slight computer knowledge, I have been teaching her for weeks now, and she can now be considered as a computer literate, thanks to me .

But when she told me how she answered the questions during the interview, I gave a big slap on my forehead when she told me her answer for “How well are you with computer?”.

She told me she replied “I don’t know much, I have no knowledge of [some programmes she doesn't know like photoshop], therefore I may not able to comprehend some task”. I am reluctant to say but I wonder which dumb ass on earth would employ her if such answer is given. Although I don’t expect any brilliant answer since she doesn’t attend for any communication skills lesson, but such answer is so obviously to tell someone “hire me at your own risk”. Darn.

However she is good in playing online games, which put me in awe and surprise that how could someone has been playing online games for two years to not know the least basic knowledge of computer?

He can be adamant but feeble,
he can be tough but fragile,
he can move anything tangible but not something intangible,
he can toil over any ordeal but not himself,
he can be unnoticeable but conspicuous,
he can be a tool for resurrection but may send one to the gallows,
he can make one the luckiest person on earth but also make one the victim of his crime.

What is he?

Ahh, have been seeking love for so long till I’ve forgotten what I have been looking for at the start, and now a surge of the feeling that I have longed for made me realized that what I wanted, is already with my possession.

I guess after all what I have been seeking for is attention and care. And hence I misunderstood the whole concept by thinking that only a beloved can grant me that, somehow I was wrong, so wrong which made my life seemed so peculiar for me. Now that I got a bunch of friends being so close, so kind to me and I am so “in love” that the lust of love have all gone, I guess love is not necessarily requires the ingredient of a couple.

On the other way, I am now in a quest of searching for “myself”, due to that long period of blending in friends’ lives to get attention, I am no longer myself now. I spoke for a reason, I approached them for a reason, even my smile has a reason too. This made me sound evil and heinous, but that’s the fact though, no point running away from myself as it has been taking control over me for a long long time. Time to get back on track!