Definition of Life and Memories.

I came across a person wearing a T-shirt with the words “what you own will end up owning you”. That sentence gave me a food for thought which caught me by surprise when I realize how true that statement is. Humans are always complacent and like to aim for the best, in terms of academic, working or even owning appliances, and they don’t know the natural consequence that will occur upon the dependence on something else. It is not an issue at first, not when the implications of the consequences from the statement take effect.

Lets start with money, we like money, no one dislikes money. We toil upon our lives to get the best-paying job. Try postulate when we have a lot of money, billions, trillions, but what about the consequences of owning the money? Money, as infamous as it is, is the root of all evil. For money, people cheat, people lose their friendship and relationship, people betray, people steal, people rob, other people will try to gain advantage of it. One will never get tired of making money, so because of money, many people actually lost their ties with friends and family, the best example is gambling, or fail partnerships. When you lose it, you will want to let it to “own” you back, thus you are a vassal of money in the end.

Another example which caught my mind is electronic appliances. Ipod, it gave entertainment and satisfaction to the users, it eliminates boredom, and you want to own it. Now you own it, and you will realize you will slowly be dependent on it, where you will feel uncomfortable without it. I did see some people throw tantrum because they forgot to bring their mp3 player or ipod. On the other hand, using earphones do significantly increase the amount of bacteria being in your ear, I am not proficient in medic, but I know it definitely won’t be making you healthy. Moreover, excessive usage of earphone will also damage your eardrums.

Now, relationship. Everyone wants a serious relationship, where they can cherish their partner and also the dreams of ‘happily ever after’. But there is a very huge misconception pertaining to relationship, people don’t appreciate relationship like the past any more, and I would say nearly every human being will not couple for only once in their lifetime. That is not an issue, the issue arose when people get too affected and bound by the temptation of a relationship, where there comes threat, suicide and some stupid acts which cannot be contemplated. Also, I do see people inundated with so much passion that they are willing to sacrifice their social life and internet life just for the relationship, they can quarrel with family and friends as well. What about couples who eloped? They are directly being controlled by the relationship, where what is supposed to happen is we control the relationship, and we determine its extent and when it should end.

I shall include friends in this list too. Friends, are companion, a useful source of help, good place to seek advice, and we usually crave for more friends. Speaking from my encounter, a friend of mine tend to get a lot of invitations to parties or chit-chat session, I was really envy at once, but when I looked beneath it and asked the persons who invited him to those parties, they confessed that they were actually using him as a transport. It came so much to my surprise that he is supposed to use the friendship to his own benefit, but instead ended up being used by it as a pathetic driver. Furthermore, we can not exclude the fact that some friends do ‘backstab’ each other and use others for benefit.

I guess I don’t have to raise any example other than the main four above. Just aware that you are the master of your happenings.

I have been very delightful for quite a while now, guessed I’ve taken the right shot to my exclusive happiness. I used to think that happiness is simple and it is a matter of whether you want it or not, but it came to my surprise that such seemingly simple emotion has the toughest effort to pay. What we are pining and toiling for all these while is just to be simply contented that’s all, we do, but only at times, what we are really seeking for is a happiness which spans over our lifetime.

This all started when I was really emotional for about 7 years, I have been running around circles, tying more knots, bumping into more impasse, walking myself into a stalemate; that’s where my life has been in a plateau, lifeless, and wandering around a world devoid of reasoning. My questions were always the same, why can’t I be like others, in terms of appearance, luck, wealth and personalities which drew them a lot of popularity and satisfaction. As how I was taught since young, I often compare myself with others with respect to the examples above, and I never once got freed from the abyss.

That’s how I wasted my teen life, not by doing something stupid (which constitutes beautiful memories for the future), but doing nothing. I was like a moron, tried to impose the best, and failed like the rest. That’s also where I started to be a ditto, I could transform myself to any personality I wanted, I made friends with a gangster’s leader as well as the smartest person in my school, I was like a vagabond, drifting from places to places, trying to seek a refuge. That was my life during high school, a plain fuck up.

I started to pick myself up during college time. My classmates are mostly older than me, and that gave me a big potential for a breakthrough, the circumstances and surroundings made me slowly to realize what is the world really look like. I was like a first year primary school student, innocent-minded. I learned so many things (non academic), I learned how to be mature, I learned how to be mean, I learned what is lie and I also learned how to lie. I became like no other, a person with plans in mind, I did things for a reason, I planned far ahead of my actions, I became a man.

More recently (before I found my resolution), I learned more on the ways to socialize. I learned that friends are not necessary to have abundant of them, but a handful of useful friends are enough. I learned that I should not accept everything that I heard.

Now, I’ve attained my biggest aim in life, happiness. I shall reiterate as to how I achieved this. I adopted a few principles, the first one being the most important, don’t regret in whatever you do or has happened. As it is very obvious that we can’t turn back time, just enjoy in every happenings, be it good or bad. I have gone through a lot of miseries, and I never look back and feel regretful or remorse about them. If you do stumbled on some unfortunate events, just bear with it. I know what has happened will always be there (refer to my last post), but everyone bleed the same as you do. Especially me, I’ve gone through one of the toughest things in life, if you must know, I lost a family member, before you want to claim that you’re unfortunate, just shut up and move on.

Secondly is up to you to decide, I am only adopting one principle in life and I’m already contented with that. Don’t meekly adopting principles just for the sake of something, think of its repercussion or consequences first.

It was four something in the morning, I was on my way back home from a drinking (non-alcohol) session. While I was driving, I noticed that the street lights are torching brightly as it always is, and I thought of a theory – What has happened is definite, valid and permanent. This theory may seem insignificant, but it meant something where it has always been neglected. By empowering it, changing the future of our own life is no longer obscure and impossible.

What has happened, is something occurred in this universe that can never be revoked, refuted and redressed. Soon after I passed the street light which gave me a food for thought, I reached a traffic light, where the red light was on. Then I realized that, it is red light, and no matter what, it is still red light, there is no way of putting it as green light. When the light switched to green, it means green. Notwithstanding the light has turned green, it is indomitable of the fact that it was red, and then it turned green. Such incident that the red light turned green is definite and permanent, and no one can change the fact, or the history by now.

You may be questioning the gist of the so-called ‘theory’, the significance most probably.

The point of it is that the past is so valid that no future can amend or even question it. What has been used is used; what has been broken is broken, regardless whether that it may be fixed or reverted. Thus it can be simplified as what has been done is done. There is no way of doing something which can stagger the past, it will still be standing imperviously, daunting as it seems. No matter how many assertions that can be used to define the object from the past, it would be fruitless. A pen is still a pen, no one can change the fact that a pen is a pencil, unless if and only if the name is changed in the present or the future.

The capability of this theory is able to cover a wide range of happenings in our life. By recognizing the past, which is the root of all causes, we can find out what is and what will be happening in the future, and probably change the future for real. For example, deforestation, which has caused flash floods and soil erosion, and directly caused deaths. The damage and repercussion is an unchangeable fact. Although various actions has commenced on recovering the disaster, but the effects which had happened are irreversible. By acknowlegding the past, we can concede that we are left with the options to either save it, or leave it. By saving it, we can be absolutely definite that casualties from such causes will be greatly reduced. To leave it, we know the effects and it will be broaden as such more lives will be taken.

Such theory is immensely useful in controlling our lives. We are so being used to think backwards, which may constrict our field of vision into a miniature possibilities. For instance, at times we are sad, we will then think what causes the effect (which is the sadness), take breaking up in a relationship as the cause, and we will think that maybe the partner is being a control freak or maybe the partner is being too sensitive. If we think by virtue of the ‘definite’ theory, we start from ‘breaking up in a relationship’ as the starting point, and we will commence our thoughts from that. So there’s a breakup, could it be that the partner is not suitable for ourselves at the very beginning, in terms of backgrounds, personalities or attitude? Then we may find out that perhaps we have been lacking of a ‘real’ partner that is more conducive for a relationship. From that point, we may observe ourselves, measuring the range of our interest and then pick the right partner, for example a partner who gives us more freedom.

If we think backwards using the above example (relationship), odds are we will be keep wandering around the partner who had left and we may miss out that maybe the partner is still the ‘effect’ from the ‘root cause’.

Hence using the ”definite’ theory where it can really determine and change our future, the real ‘root cause’ of our present trouble is from the past, not deriving backwards from the present.

The classic and the most common perception is that money can never buy happiness, but may I retort that money may not be able to buy happiness, but money is prerequisite to the door of happiness.

What we are is based on our surroundings, for example, if one is lonely, he may find that having more friends are delightful and he will sought to have more of them, if one is ill, he may find that having his illness cured is the path to happiness. However more examples be tendered, we may notice that every act which entail happiness has a price to pay. For instance using the above example, to treat an illness, a sum of money(regardless the quantum) is required, there is no other way out, assuming miracle is out of the possibility.

There is no free lunch in the world. A mere gathering or hangout may cost you a bit at least. Phone calls to keep one accompanied, driving out to meet someone, a drink with friends, it’s indomitable of the fact that happiness does not come free.

Drawing from my perception, money can buy happiness. Shopping, loitering in internet cafe, drinking (alcohol), buying luxury items, eating delicious food around the city, or even smoking can yield happiness for different people. The depiction of a near-dead however rich patient is quintessential for the statement that money can’t buy happiness, but if we try imagine standing in the lamentable patient’s shoes, death may be inevitable, but if you have sufficient money, you are able to do many things that others can’t do, or won’t be able to do in their lifetime, for example you could derive happiness from others, like to build some condominiums or houses for people to stay for free, in that way the happiness you gain may be more than what you can get in several years.

With money, you can even ‘buy friends’. Although it may seem a little obscure that friends which are gotten by means of being spendthrift will be trustworthy or loyal to you, but friends are still friends, regardless of friends from normal conversations or money, they will still talk to you, hear your stories and keep you accompanied. It is a must to exclude the fact that you will be broke one day since in this context it is focused on the aptitude and capability of money in terms of deriving happiness.

It seems that I’m lagging behind the pace of time, and I have too much of catching up needed to do. I just realized that being happy is not merely having a tight grasp of my recent-adopted principle: regret not for everything you do, regret for what you have to regret.

Life is like politics, where fame and popularity come standing first, whereas virtue and morality are on the waiting list. Every smile we see and every smile we make, does it really come from the bottom of our heart, or we’re doing it just for the sake of benefit, our benefit. The ironic part is that it’s very difficult to differentiate who is ‘the wretched one’ for whom. I’ve seen people bearing jovial and at utmost happiness while hanging out as a whole, but what’s behind it it’s a devastating,  atrocious and tumultuous war going on. It really sadden me when I got to know the situation out there, it’s no longer a true friendship style, there is no brother in arms, it’s just a cold war which depict how the victors climb over the losers, and the history will be in favour to them by the end of the war.

I have realized that I’ve been dragged into the social politics game, where it’s quite improbable for me to pull myself back up again. At times we are neutral, but it slowly turns into hatred when people around you are having that thought, I’ve seen it myself, and I still manage to get a hold of myself, but I’m guessing that my determination is not strong enough to withstand the peer pressure.

The golden rule of success is to try, keep trying until you succeed. Well ‘trying’ is the machine which get you to the destination, where the materials which get the machine to work is equally significant to the machine itself. Starting a business is every entrepreneur’s dream, it’s undoubtedly impossible to start a business without money. As such, in my sincere opinion I think that before one wants to embark on a dream and keep trying till he succeed, he must first weigh himself of how much he is worth for the price of the plan.

It seems that the classic ‘friends will be friends’ still has not been obsolete after all. What is friend? Is mere acquaintance well considered as a friend? or there must be some covenant between them. I realize I am fond of talking about things which are abstracts, where the ambiguity can go as far as your imagination can reach.

From my point of view, I feel that friends are those who will criticize you, I meant constructive criticisms. As the old saying we make our failures our stepping stone to succeed. Recently I reached a slump in my life and I was on the verge of dying, literally in terms of mental vigor. Things have not been going right, as if the end of the world is deemed desirable, rather than enduring the tormented hell.
Ironically, I found that discouragements work really well for me. I am used to be vulnerable and susceptible to discouragements, totally without immunity, perhaps I have been still a novice to this earth. Culling and accumulating more criticisms and discouragements, I became stronger, and made the next step of my life, it worked.

Basically I’m sick of having friends, I have to acknowledge that having friends are not as simple as just having a friend. Like how people say, every person is like a book and you will get to know him or her thoroughly once you’ve read through the chapters. It’s a solid, valid and indomitable truth. May I add to the statement, you must read through ‘all the chapters’ before you can fully lay yourself on that friend.

Humans are like all the matters on earth, we were created and then we exist through a period of time, some exist maybe for seconds, some could up to million of years. Humans are created and their mindset are crafted during their growing age, probably about adolescence. We grow in different place, different parents ergo different teachings, different genes hence different way of thought. It is assumed that humans are already not prone to changes after teen. Therefore, each of us are so distinctly unique that we can’t presume anyone by their background or their facade of personalities; we are just not qualified to do so.

Look at the number of couples on our beloved earth. Although we have no right to judge their right of passion, but I can be assured that most of them do not know their partner well enough. If they do, there would only be minimal breakup, possible from affair which stem from boredom. Through our eyes, we see many couples barely know each other less than few months, worse comes to worse, I’ve seen less than a day, for hell’s sake. This is the reason why couple breakups are so stunningly exorbitant and so much exceeding friends breakup. The rule of thumb is – Don’t know (much enough), Don’t go.

Same goes for friend, if you’re just finding some friends for benefit then it should be no problem, but if you’re really want to dwell with your friends which will directly affect and concern your life (e.g. Giving advice which you will really consider it, or help you with some things), think twice, or three times if it would please you. To entrust a person with something, make sure you know him or her deep inside, you know how that person thinks, you can put your pride and dignity in stake for that person, then you can proceed.

One day, you may stumble upon some failures, another day, history could recur. Day by day, when all your stakes is going dry, what you left is you, and brain languishing in an abyss somehow somewhere in time. At that point, you know that you have given out everything, your plots, brilliant intervention, and even some divine intervention.

Chances running low, sky is getting dark, the breeze is accompanied by some sorrow graze. The only thing withholding you from one step closer to hell is your determination, albeit staggering, nevertheless still panting for some fresh air out of the disgraceful void.

Shrouded by mystery, intrigued by the darkness, injured by the silence, out of the blue, you went into a dream…..

Friends are surrounding you, kind of like an EGM, then you realize that those were smiles of your limbs. As if inherent with you, you see words of wisdom, thoughts of genuine pondering. Just when you are relishing in that undoubtedly jovial moment, the surroundings start to change again…

Mounted horseman, your task is to conquer the city of Plagueless with your fellow comrades. You took a glance of your rear, embedding with your most powerful and sacred weapon – companion and intangible blessings. You were however shocked, the faces were so vague and unfamiliar. Who are they?

Staring at your very-despised foes, you saw five cavalry units, smirking at each other as if they are immortal and ready to charge at you. Anger contaminated your brain, you charged at your foes, recklessly, furiously, looking atrociously. Your comrades routed, leaving you, and the five foes on the battlefield. You chose honour than life, you continued.

As distance dragged your sight of your foes closer, you glared, incredulously, dazzled that those five foes were your warlords, your once master. Sweat brought your fears conspicuous, you however continue your pace, faster and faster…

It was dark, you didn’t know what sixth-world hell you are located.

The scene is now that you are placed in a cave, with several paths, with them having different sizes of entrance. You are badly injured, you have lost your army, and you are badly injured. You look at the floor, you see a few handful equipments, among them are torch, machete, a vial with water, and a bungee rope.

Desolated, desperate, danger. There is no turning back, and you know that you must take a step, forward. Backward of you, is nothing, void, not even darkness can depict that daunting image.

With total despise, I do really hate the fact that though we are all human, there are such a distinct difference between a male and a female. Acknowledging  and conceding that every heart doesn’t beat the same, but the rhythm of the beat between a male and female is indeed, extravagant. Maybe I’ve been inundated by too many “equality” thoughts, where everyone should be equal and of equal footing.

I’m not whining about the physical differences, but the inner qualities, the root where all the differences and intrigue belongs. From what I know, females are regulated by multiple hormones where in case one of them ‘malfunction’, their expressions will also become ‘malfunction’ (e.g. Go for a shopping spree, hot-tempered). Whereas there’s only one for male, but at times I suppose that we are no different from suffering from a pre-menstrual syndrome.

So what is exactly the chasm separating a male from a female? I think it’s more to a mindset, than natural or perpetual which embedded into oneself during birth. Have you ever thought that why it’s guys are the ones to be the macho, the gentlemen, the “rich”, the ones who should always give way to girls? Macho does not mean strong, it’s merely a physical appearance. A female can also do the ‘macho’ way by going to gym and do some workout. They can also ‘be rich’, for instance paying for the first date.

It’s also peculiar when it came to my mind that the society favours ‘men leading women’ and it will normally be regarded as a shame to men for women to surpass them or to lead them on. The thing I know is that men has more ‘possession’ of themselves compared to women, and here comes the quote ‘women can’t handle politics’. But have we seen the bigger picture? Julia Gillard as Prime Minister of Australia and numerous leaders comprising the females explains it all.

Majority, or at least some of the females possess the shy quality, what about guys that we don’t know? The amount of shy guys I’ve seen are like so much over the girls I knew. We have been inculcate the mentality of that guys should be the macho and brave type, where those who are not will usually strive to break free from their shell, seeking advices, get a change in appearance and do all sorts of asinine things to portray what a male is.

Pertaining to inner qualities, we always regard that men are more of the bad guys, the ones who rape, the ones who rob, the ones who always do the killings. What about women? Prostitution and swindling with their appearance (e.g. look, body). Is one of the gender even a contender for the ‘best sex on earth’?

Women can be emotional, hot-tempered, doing something devoid of reason, but what makes them distinct from male apart from the physical appearance? If we pester or irritates someone too much regardless it’s a he or she, the person will retaliate, in fact despite the ‘macho’ quality in guys, a girl can actually deal more damage to the perpetrator.

The point of this post is that you can have high expectations to anyone, but it’s really weird to have that expectation based on the sex of a person. Things like guys should make the first move are not nonsense, just that it can be justified (by reading this whole post) that guys who don’t do that are not something that a guy is lack of what they are supposed to be.

Francis Bacon once said “nothing is to be feared but fear”. Although we don’t admit it, but fear is inherent in everything we do in the sense of speech and any actions on earth, including taking a step. Common sense dictates that risk is everything we do, and everything we are doing is actually a risk by itself. And our brain, being our guardian of senses will always hold us back for whatever we are doing. For instance while we’re driving, we don’t speed in small alleyway because it is an obvious risk, and at times we don’t speed at highways is also because of risk.

Refraining from taking a risk is commendable, but not always, especially in the dimension of social capsule. As stated above, everything is risk, it does not matter whether it’s small or big, it’s still a risk. Hence have we ever thought of risk being it alone per se and not embedded with any magnitude?

There are odds of success in every actions, and the ‘no pain, no gain’ fits in really well here. Quite some years ago I’ve derived a quote ‘ you don’t lose until you lose’ from the famous Cantonese gambling quote ‘ as long as you’re still going to bet, you’re still not considered lost”.

So for the introduction, the gist of it is ‘what is fear and how to overcome it?’, you may be shocked by my all random discovery.

I’m more to a ‘reader’ kind of person and I tend to analyse and inspect everything so that they would be in a right order, or at least, running as it should be seen. The answer to overcome all the fears inside us, is simply, to have balls. There is no way to circumvent it as no matter how many counsellors or ‘dummies’ books you can procure in this world, you still must have the courage to do it.

The perfect example is public speaking. Is there a way to do it without you standing in front of the audience and speak up? Perhaps it does for you if you can thought of peculiar-enough ways like recording your speech and deliver it through a video presentation, then believe me, you are not prepared to see how the world looks like.

Yes, talk is always easier than taking action, but for me, I’ve heard like a myriad of methods to do something, namely conversing with a female. I used to be shy, and I’m still are for the moment. I was told of many funny methods to overcome it such as smoking, practising to speak more or let a friend to help me blend in the conversation but those were all fruitless. Until I came across the phrase “get some balls”, my life was pivotal and everything seem to be going so smoothly without any pre-meditation or practice.

It takes me some ‘balls’ to disclose and declare that I actually have phobia against female in this post, but I did, and all it takes was having some balls, that’s all.

I came across a documentary and there were a quote I feel it’s very appropriate – Success depends on how well we relate on everything around us. And it’s a real statement of fact. Every act, speech, movement, gesture and attitude are depend on surroundings, and the grasp of it is the way to success.

Take a minute to brainstorm, we speak politely, is to make others feel comfortable and will not spurn or shun us. We don’t be a bitch not because we can’t, it’s just that we don’t do that, you know the reason well. We perform task diligently(subjective standard) because we have expectations from others. We act in front of certain people in order to register for a brilliant first impression. Did you realize that what we’re doing is concomitant to our surroundings? Hence the gist of it is that to thrive among others, we have to use all elements and “apparatus” which are shrouding us all the time.

I’ve spent about an hour to derive another method to put the quote into utilization. Actually it’s very commonly known and used – making connections. As people (e.g. friends, seniors, lecturers, professors, any pedestrian) is “around us”, by relating them to our life, or to connect, bond with them is a seemingly astounding way to success as to matters related to mental and physical, or even money (although it’s the least possible support we can yield), and back again to the quote, it depends on how well we relate them to us.

More to be added.